Friday, January 12, 2007

emotional vomit


Sometimes you pray for clarity..
..................................................... and then you get it
but it’s not the answer you were hoping for..
You’re happy because you finally know what He wants from you
but a teeny-weeny you feels frustrated – ‘DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO’
You understand that it’s for you’re own good
....................... but you don’t like it
.................................... but you have to
.................................................. but you don’t
In reality you're glad because it’s clearly what’s best for you…
................................................... you remind yourself
But it’s still not the answer you were hoping for..
So you thank Him for the clarity,
for taking care of you,
for guiding you
But you mumble in passive-agressivity that it’s just not the way it was supposed to be..
and hope He will keep answering your prayers,
and keep giving you that clarity..
and mostly hope that you will soon merit the answer you’re looking for
..................................................................... reallysoon..

18 Comments:

At Friday, January 12, 2007 9:49:00 AM, Blogger It's All Good Now said...

I always say that God gives us what we need. But it's an extra blessing when He instills in us the feeling of WANTING what we NEED.

 
At Friday, January 12, 2007 10:07:00 AM, Blogger David_on_the_Lake said...

Your honesty....innocent...is mesmerizing..

 
At Friday, January 12, 2007 1:30:00 PM, Blogger Lvnsm27 said...

I know how you feel, I'm still waiting for a couple of things.

 
At Saturday, January 13, 2007 4:08:00 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

I love the way you express yourself!

 
At Saturday, January 13, 2007 5:58:00 PM, Blogger the only way i know said...

lol
hmmmm
can't say it doesnt sound familiar
though more about my mumbling than about the clarity i get

 
At Saturday, January 13, 2007 7:34:00 PM, Blogger the sabra said...

sigh

 
At Saturday, January 13, 2007 8:38:00 PM, Blogger knaidel maidel said...

I am entranced by the way you can say it all... without saying much.

I think I know how you feel.

I think that all it takes to receive clarity, sometimes, is the strength to accept it. Though you're still longing for the answer you wanted, once you're willing to submit yourself to G-d's answer, you see what may have been there all along.

 
At Saturday, January 13, 2007 9:03:00 PM, Blogger socialworker/frustrated mom said...

Great pic to illustrate emotional vomit lol. Sorry it's not the answer you hoped for. I hope you get the clarity you are looking for soon:)

 
At Sunday, January 14, 2007 12:33:00 AM, Anonymous lady said...

I look at your words and I see my thoughts.

 
At Sunday, January 14, 2007 1:15:00 AM, Anonymous emilia cataldo said...

what happened?

 
At Sunday, January 14, 2007 4:40:00 PM, Blogger nuch a chosid said...

yeah, many times swe don't know what we really want, or we may want the wrong thing.

I once heard a vort on this
based on what it syas in tehilim 23 "ACH TOV VOCHESED YIREDEFUNI"
(translated= Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me)

"yirdefuni", translates into "will run after me..."

why do we ask hashem for the goodness to run after us...?

becasue many times we dont even know what the goodness is, and what the right thing to so is, and we may make the wrong choice, or pray for the wrong solution.

That's why we ask and pray YIRDEFUNI, that even when we turn our back on the goodness, we turn the opposite way, it should run after us, and hashem should make the right choice for us

 
At Monday, January 15, 2007 7:29:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

do u mind me asking how old u are?

 
At Monday, January 15, 2007 7:49:00 AM, Blogger anonym00kie said...

It's All Good Now ..
nicely said.. we're usualy more concerned with what we want than with what we need, would def be an added blesing to have those be the same..

David_on_the_Lake ..
there's compliment in there, right? :)

Lvnsm27..
only a couple? youre way ahead of the game!

kasamba..
thanks :)

the only way i know said...
ya, we're all pros at the mumbling.. good thing He's the expert mumble deciferer

the sabra..
just this past week, i was learning the importance and value of the "sigh"

knaidel maidel..
youre right, i was praying for clarity ANd strength, cuz having the clarity without the strength to follow thru or to hear it is pointless..
but even with that it doesnt make it any easier to make sense of it, even when you know what to do with it..

socialworker/frustrated mom..
i love the pic too , but i dont think it illustrates THAT.. heh

lady..
thank you, thats a really nice thing to say..

emilia cataldo..
dont book your ticket up here yet..
call me..

nuch a chosid..
thats so nice. its sometihing i dont really understand but always worry about.. that i might turn my back on whats good for me..i definitely pray that it shoudlnt happen..we're so proud of our limited and cloudy understanding, when in fact we should be petrified of it and the damage we can do to ourselves when we think we understand better than He does.

Anonymous..
yes..

 
At Monday, January 15, 2007 7:01:00 PM, Anonymous lady said...

While I agree with you in regards to commitment, I must say I disagree with your comparison of commitment. The very problem of our society is when people like you compare choosing a spouse to choosing a blouse.

A shirt, yes you can return it, but that is not the reason for the ease with such purchases.
An article of clothing doesn’t change. Yes, it might shrink in the wash, but you may always use the cleaners. Yes, it might pimple, but you know [prior to your purchase] that cheap fabrics have such tendencies. Indeed, if you do mind, then merely purchase higher quality clothing.

With clothing, you know exactly what you’re getting. You know if it fits and the only way that’ll change is if you enlarge your yellow adipose cells. Our society has graduated from its “rinse and reuse” to “buy one, get one free” mentality.

With a guy, no matter how well you think you know him, bottom line is you don’t. You don’t know how a marriage will work out. You don’t know if he cuts his toenails and leaves them sprawled across your bedroom floor. You don’t know if he’ll wake up at night for the crying kid, and you don’t know if he’ll come home from work early and arrange dinner when you are sick. You don’t know if you are stuck in Boro Park and you need him to pick up the children, if he’ll make a big deal about it. You don’t know if he’ll raise his voice to you, and you don’t know how he’ll discipline the children. You don’t know if he changes his boxer’s everyday, and you don’t know if he’s got a pimples on his back. You don’t know if he’ll always respect your parents, siblings and friends, and you don’t know if he’ll stay glued to the computer when you ask him for a glass of tea. You don’t know if he’ll read the children bedtime stories, and you don’t know if tolerate all his shtick. You don’t know if you’ll always support his ways, and you don’t know if you’ll always be that loving, patient, caring wife. [You don’t even know how you’ll be, let alone him!] You don’t know how you’ll manage under stressful situations, and you don’t know if he’ll wipe up your vomit when you’re in your first trimester. You don’t know if he’ll appreciate all you do for him, and you don’t know if he’ll be a good lover. You don’t know if he’ll buy you a card/flowers/jewelry [something] before the Yomim Tovim and you don’t know if he’ll contradict you in the presence of others. You don’t know if you’ll always feel his love, encouragement and passion.

You cannot compare marriage to any physical purchase. Your husband becomes you and you become him; you work together. Today peeps treat marriage like a purchase; if
it doesn’t work out, heck, I’ll dispose of him[divorce] and get a new one [remarry].

When you buy a car you can read its manual, ratings, statistical consumer satisfaction and henceforth. When you marry a guy, you merely assume he’ll live up to the characteristics he presented while you dated.

 
At Monday, January 15, 2007 10:00:00 PM, Blogger chaverah said...

wow, beautifully expressed! today you see clarity and tommorrow you might feel confused all over again. Its a cycle that goes round and round.

 
At Tuesday, January 16, 2007 12:22:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

do you respond to your comments?

 
At Tuesday, January 16, 2007 1:10:00 PM, Blogger anonym00kie said...

lady..
im not sure i understand. i completely agree with you. that comment was so well expressed.. but..
i wasnt comparing choosing a spouse to buying a blouse, i was saying that if we cant even buy a blouse, which is safe and not that important, how the heck are we supposed to commit to another human being, without all the guarantees..
we've been crippled by this disposable society and we are having such a hard time realizing the difference between a once in a life time commitment and leasing a car or buying a shirt
i compltely agree with you! its not AT ALL the same.. and yet we still have a hard time doing it

chaverah..
yup
but whats amazing is that sometimes its hard to accept the clarity, even when its SO clear..

anonymous..
sure, i usually do..

 
At Tuesday, January 16, 2007 11:31:00 PM, Blogger Dovid said...

Hey M00kie, I just tagged you. Goodluck :)

 

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