"Don’t go in the room! Let the baby cry, eventually she'll fall asleep. She just wants attention"
"He didn’t really hurt his knee, he's faking! He just wants attention"
"She’s not really that angry, she's being a drama queen! She always wants attention!"
"He didn’t want to die, it was a cry for help - he just wants attention"

We're told we shouldn’t feed this need for attention.
People need to grow up and toughen up!
They need to be independent, strong, and autonomous and the worst thing we can do is give them attention every time they call out for it.

If the baby's really scared, then mom can go in the room and calm her fears.
If the toddler really hurt his knee, then he can get a band aid or go to the doctor.
If the teenager truly has a reason to be angry, then we can talk about it.
If the suicide attempt succeeds.. then we can really bury the person...

If someone experiences real fear, real physical pain, real injustice.. then we agree that they deserve to be taken seriously - but if someone “just” wants attention, then we view it as a sign of weakness that needs to be ignored until it goes away.

The thing is, how often do we complain that G-d doesn’t seem to hear us or doesn’t make Himself be seen or felt? How often do wish that G-d or a teacher or a parent or a friend would just pat us on the back or reassure us. How much more would we be able to endure if we felt this presence tangibly?

We all knows G-d is there, we know He listens and feels and protects us.. and yet we cry when we feel that distance from him - but when someone needs attention, or they need to be reminded that someone is there listening, hearing, caring, we dismiss it “just” attention seeking.

Rabbi Kelemen writes in his book To Kindle a Soul:

"Parents sometimes worry that attentive parenting undermines independence and confidence. The opposite is true, however, "children who experience consistent and considerable gratification of needs in the early stages do not become 'spoiled and dependent' writes Dr Terry Levy. "They become more independent, self-asured, and confident." [...]

Children cry less frequently and for shorter duration after their first 9 months when caregivers respond promptly during the child’s first nine months. conversely, children who do not receive enough attention early on tend to be clingy, suffer from separation anxiety, and respond with panic when pushed to explore the world or when left in the hands of unfamiliar caregivers.” (page 104)

"Ignoring a child’s night time cries might eventually produce quiet, but it does not cultivate security"" (page 107)

He is referring to the idea of letting a baby cry when we put him to sleep, as some suggest - but I think this applies throughout life.
When babies are left alone, in the dark, and and they start getting drowsy and find themselves all alone, it's normal for them to be afraid. Their memories and senses are not very developed and they suddenly find themselves in a dark room, all alone, very disoriented.
So they cry.
They cry for attention.
And what do the 'experts' suggest? Leave them alone until they stop crying.
The crying eventually stops..but has the fear gone away? Do they feel any more secure?

The same applies to adults, I believe.

We act out and want attention when we feel insecure, afraid, and alone. A baby can’t verbalize that anxiety, and although we have the verbal skills, very often, neither can we.

We need attention because we feel a lack.
Something is missing and we can’t find the words or the behaviour to express it.
A baby cries.
A teenager rebels.
And as adults we find a multitude of behaviours that we have learned will get us the attention we need.

Attention in itself may not have any intrinsic value, but giving it to someone who is in need of security, approval, acceptance, affection, empathy, nurturing … indirectly leads them to feel those things.

No one wants to feel abandoned. Teaching a baby that his cries at night will be left unheard creates a sense of abandonment. When a spouse ignores the cries of attention of their loved one, when a parent ignores a child’s needs for attention, when a teacher ignores the acting out of a student.. we create fearful, insecure, needy people who constantly fear abandonment.

Sometimes people don’t have the answers or the solutions to our problems. They cant fix what’s broken or make whatever is hurting go away. They can’t necessarily make sense of the chaos in us and they cant get rid of the fear eating us up, or the guilt smothering us - but they can pay attention. They can reassure us and make us feel heard, maybe even understood.
A lot of times that’s all we need to feel reenergized.

Most of the answers are found inside us, but we cant tap into them because we're so busy fighting off whatever demons we believe are after us. If we don’t feel alone, and we are given the attention we crave, often that will be enough to make us feel secure enough so we can forget the imaginary demons and focus on finding the truths inside us.

An excellent example of a father paying proper attention.