Wednesday, October 04, 2006

I’ve decided that the absolute worst part of a blind date is the 10-minute period before the actual meeting.

It’s excruciatingly painful.

It used to be that I’d worry all day long before a date. I’d worry about what to wear, I’d worry about what he would be like and what we would talk about … until I realized that it was silly to worry since dates usually turn out fine – and until I actually meet him I don’t have anything tangible to worry about. At worst it's two wasted hours and at best i get to spend an interesting evening having stimulating conversation with a booooy (actually, at best, ill meet my husband!!)

Then I used to worry on the actual date – I’d worry about what to say and what not to say, I’d worry about what he meant or what he thought I meant. I’d worry about figuring out how soon was too soon to leave and whether I was being interesting enough. Of course I’d worry about not being flirty enough or about being too flirty. Eventually even those worries disappeared as I came to the realization that I just had to be myself and try to go with the flow. With the right person, all those things would just fall into place, and the truth is, if I want to marry this person I'd better be honest and real.

Finally I used to worry about what would happen AFTER the date – would he say nice things about me? Would he want to go out again? What did he say? What did he mean? But yet again I realized it was pointless. The truth is that It's much less disturbing to get rejected then to have to make the decision to reject someone (and then worry night after night about having made the wrong decision.)

So now all that’s left is that 10 minute period before the date…

Why in the world is it so dreadfully painful watching the minutes pass so agonizingly slow!?!?

It occurred to me that it cant possibly be the fear that my date will be so horrendously unattractive because firstly such a thing has never happened to me and secondly how many people do I find so hideous that I cant bare the thought of sitting across the table from them for 2 hours!
It can’t be the thought that the date will be SO boring that I can’t imagine how I’ll get through the evening. I’ve been through way more boring situations.

What about the imminent date causes me such nausea and anxiety?

After going through the list of what it can’t possibly be, it finally dawned on me what IT IS.

It’s the possibility that I might meet my soul mate in the coming minutes.

We’ve been brainwashed since childhood into believing the whole 'eyes meeting across a crowded room' fantasy. As much as we DONT want to admit it, I think we all secretly believe in love at first sight. We all hope and pray that we will be among the lucky few to meet the love of our lives and know instantaneously. So, it occurred to me that when I go on a date, those 10 minutes before I meet him, I’m anxiously wondering about that first glimpse, the first times our eyes meet. Will sparks fly......or will I?

Now before everyone (especially all you married folk) jump down my throat to tell me it DOESNT happen that way.. let me be clear - I am not saying that I go on a date expecting this to happen...but somewhere in the back of my mind there.. is.. always.. that.. glimmer.. of..hope..that the first time our eyes meet.. life will be transformed.. forever!

I don’t know if this how others feel, I don’t even know if I’ve really gotten to the root of issue.. but sitting in my car last night, trying to figure out why the minutes were moving so slow and thinking about writing this post…I managed to survive those last ten minutes!
(and dont get your hopes up.. sparks did not fly!)

love stories ***
(click on the pictures to read their stories)

(my favorite is Leilomar and Nasar, he says : "I tried everything to make her notice me. That's why I always opened an umbrella when I was near her, regardless of what the weather was like." -- maybe that's how they express love in afganistan :)


At Thursday, October 05, 2006 12:13:00 AM, Blogger Lakewood Venter said...

You worry too much! Go to bed, and have sweet dreams!

At Thursday, October 05, 2006 2:04:00 AM, Blogger ~ Sarah ~ said...

same thing with me!
totally fine until right before... then i get panicky.
always hoping for the best, scared that it might be the one rather than another wasted evening.
it's the anticipation really.
(although it's not fun when they do turn out to be horrendously ugly...)

At Thursday, October 05, 2006 7:45:00 AM, Blogger socialworker/frustrated mom said...

I was like that when I was dating and i am sure I will be like that again,since I analyze too much. I totally understand. Great post.

At Thursday, October 05, 2006 10:25:00 AM, Blogger bellanny said...

I hate blind dates. Most times people have been way off target and it's a big waste of my time and emotions. Like you, there is usually a little part of me that wonders if this is the one.

My dread is usually because of a fear of the unknown.

At Thursday, October 05, 2006 11:44:00 AM, Anonymous Jeff said...

if you meet someone on a blog can your eyes meet accross the screen?

At Thursday, October 05, 2006 11:51:00 AM, Blogger Nemo said...

Anonymookie, if that's your real eye there {were you in X-men?}in the logo, then you better not count on catching him with your eyes. Sorry, but that's hideous.... You better hope that you can charm him otherwise.

At Thursday, October 05, 2006 5:18:00 PM, Blogger FrumGirl said...

I'm with you all the way. So what if our expectations can be laced with some fantasy, we are women, gosh darned it! We love the whole romance aspect. I am completely certain that you will remember the moment you first laid eyes on your future husband. I think its so wonderful that you still have this girlsih anticipation and hold onto it! (I know you hate being told what to do but really now...!)

It's just so exciting anticipating and you know what? While it seems so hard at this stage in your life it's so nice remembering it once that stage is over (experiece talking here). Cherish every moment!

Chag Sameach!

At Friday, October 06, 2006 5:52:00 AM, Blogger Grajee said...

try making him wait downstairs for you for an extra ten minutes so you can be fashionably late.. and that'll b 20 minutes of anguish :-)

At Sunday, October 08, 2006 5:03:00 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

The problem with chemistry is that you might overlook something that could be detrimental to a relationship in the long run. Believe it or not, it's best to start off 'parve' and then get better from there!!
May it happen soon for you!!!

At Wednesday, October 11, 2006 4:00:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Everyone secretly hopes for love at first sight. I think that the reason for worry 10 min before the date is because your all ready and doing nothing but waiting for him to come, giving you time to try and visualize how this one will work out.

At Wednesday, October 11, 2006 11:57:00 AM, Blogger Scraps said...

The hoping is the hardest part, especially if you've been looking for a while. Part of you wants to hope, but part of you is trying so hard not to because you're afraid of being disappointed yet again. The cognitive dissonance involved in feeling both things at once is just painful. But a person can't live life without hope.

At Thursday, October 19, 2006 12:07:00 PM, Blogger Cellar Door said...

ich dating


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