blinded

I read this amazing post today about self esteem and specialness and how a person can view themselves as relatively superior/special or as intrinsically special and what the difference is between the two. I don’t want to repeat the whole post here and I definitely recommend reading it before reading this one, but the main point was that real self esteem is based on intrinsic value, the kind that is spiritual and tied to our godliness. This got me thinking about how that applies to women and their self esteem.

We know that self esteem is based on the perception a person has of their own self worth and by women it often revolves around physical beauty. In the non-Torah world, feminism preaches the freedom for a woman to dress and act as she pleases, without concern for the needs or desires of men. Feminism is supposed to accord women the freedom that men have always had, the freedom to behave according to self-serving motivations.
Judaism, on the other hand, is often perceived as restrictive and denigrating towards women.

Well women, I disagree.. and here comes my little rant.

Don’t tell me Judaism is sexist, while you parade barely dressed and allow others to objectify you. Real worth comes from qualities that have depth, infinite depth. It comes from a spiritual source, from working and developing one’s character, one’s godliness.

You complain that men don’t treat you like equals, you complain about eating disorders, you complain about the dating process, but why don’t you complain about a society that objectifies you, that requires of you to flaunt your body to please men, a society that expects you to harm yourself to be pleasing to the eyes.. of men, a society that expects you to satisfy men's basic instincts. Why don’t you build a society where people are viewed according to their intrinsic worth, where people are valued according to their hard work and character development, where people don’t objectify other human beings, where women are not considered toys, tools.

I agree that women want attention from men and that's natural, but why do we feel the need to give them the basest of reasons to be attracted to us. Who decided that the standards of men need to be so low? Why do we accept that decision? Let them be attracted to the real you, the one you’ve worked on and developed, the one centred on your godliness, the one expressing your true essence.

Skin can be blinding, and it’s a real shame when we let it blind the world, and ourselves, from seeing our soul.
We are so afraid of real intimacy, of a real connection, that we try to blind those around us to our true selves. We want to take easy way out, we want to be noticed without the hard work, without the spiritual development.

We bare our skin to hide our soul.

So women, next time you feel like your self esteem is lacking, you feel like you’re not worthy, ask yourself what you’re basing your worth on? Are you looking at yourself through the eyes of others, others who are seeing you as a worthless, physical object existing to please their senses. Ask yourself whether your desire to bare your skin isnt simply a cop out because you’re afraid you don’t have the intrinsic beauty to attract others with?
Stop and realize your real worth.
Your real self esteem is based on something much more spiritual. Don’t blind others from seeing it too. Let your soul shine to those who want to take the time to see it. Instead of instantly gratifying the gawkers, reward those who take the time and have the desire to see the real you.

Next time someone tells you Judaism is sexist, tell them that the day women of the world see themselves as more than hips that don’t lie, sparkly bellybuttons and bootilicious, then they will have earned the right to tell you about a woman's worth. In the meantime they can go preach to those nice juicy steaks at the butchershop.

(and to the men out there..i know you probably think all this is pretty obvious, but until youve stepped in our shoes (which i dont recommend :) then you have no idea how difficult it is to internalize these ideas and to live by them.)

(another amazing post related to this topic of inherent worth)