I collapse into his inviting embrace
uneasy with the intimacy
– at first

craving the safety
– urgently

hesitantly mouthing what he expects to hear
eager for the moment when we’ll connect
– finally

I close my eyes

corporeal constraints cease to exist
if only for a few seconds
..............I welcome the refuge

reminding myself that this is our time
alone
existence encapsulated

where being is doing
I hold him and rock him in my arms
bonding

searching for the courage to unload
what my heart conceals
and my mind yearns to forget

I fight the impulse to step back, reminded that even when
He doesn’t need
to hear it,

I need
to say it

that
which I don’t trust
and don’t want
and don’t allow
anyone else to know

he has witnessed and heard and felt
He knows
but there is no shame between us,

............the one time
............and the one place
............and the one way
............I can let go
............completely
............and connect
............completely
............and believe and feel and trust
............completely

............that I’m not alone

both aware than once I take those
three
steps
back

I’ll leave him behind

looking at me
longing for me

hoping that maybe this time
I’ll keep the connection alive until
we meet again.