Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Who is wise? He that learns from all men

I’ve been sitting here for the past few hours, few days, few weeks, months and years, surfing the net, reading blogs, watching home made videos, art, wikis...and i feel so overwhelmed.
There is so much brilliance and talent out there.
So many intelligent people with interesting things to say.
So many creative people.

I know this is a terrible thing to say but it kind of depresses me, I feel so inadequate. I feel so lost in a monstrous sea of information.
So much information!
I want to know it all; I want to understand it all, i want to be able to do it all.
I keep jumping from topic to topic, reading and learning and thinking and questioning.
By the time I get off the computer, my head is buzzing with a chaotic whirlwind of information.
The more I read the smaller and more insignificant I feel.
Surfing the net seems to have to same impact on my intellectual and creative self esteem as going through fashion magazines.
At first I’m fascinated by what I find, intrigued by all the stuff I don’t know, impressed by the beauty.. but slowly it starts to overwhelm me. Every link I click on draws me away from my original question and creates a whole new set.

By the time I lay my head on my pillow my head is saturated with uncertainties and questions.
What started out as a quest to enrich my mind and establish some control over my surroundings, ends up causing me insecurity - i realize how little I know and how much there is to know. What starts out as a creative curiosity ends up discouraging me. The wealth of beauty and information that is produced by others overwhelms me. I cant write as well, draw as well, think as well.
I know I shouldn’t compare myself, but I cant help feeling mediocre compared to what’s out there,
I cant help but feel that I am so not prepared for dealing for this madness of a world I live in.
In addition to making me feel insecure about my abilities and how much I know, this overload of information makes my feel insecure about my existence. All the negativity, the wars, the abuse, the pain and suffering, the catastrophes, the near-catastrophes.. not only do I get off the computer feeling like I don’t know an iota of what I should know, but in addition I feel that we are on the brink of every disaster imaginable.

I’m not quite sure i understand the internet ban, I wonder if the rabbis are aware of this problem, but sometimes I wish I had the strength to ban the internet for myself.

I miss those days when I didn’t know how much there was to know.

Sounds ignorant and lazy?


At Wednesday, May 24, 2006 10:22:00 AM, Blogger s.J. said...

ignorant and lazy? no.
the internet opens our eyes to a much larger world than the the one that's been doctrating our life up until now.
it shows us that as much as we know, there's always s/o out there who knows it better and that no matter how insignifigant we might think s/t to be, there's s/o out there it matters the world to.
and while you may feel it makes you just another dot on this enormous canvas of life; remember that if every dot thought the same as you, there'd be no painting.
even the smallest speck contributes to the overall picture.
(which if is true, that you're insignifigant, means curtains for the rest of us)

besides, aren't you the world leading authority on the life of anonym00kie?


At Wednesday, May 24, 2006 11:13:00 AM, Blogger FrumGirl said...

Sounds like your mind is working in wonderous ways....

I was reading an article recently about the effects of technology on todays growing kids. There is so much going on in the life of an average child... computers, TV, MP3's all running at the same time... etc, etc. The results so far have shown that in effect what this creates is a society that takes longer to grow up... while the average age one would be considered to be mature used to be 22-24 it is now much later.... There is just too much information to be processed!

Mookie, (can I call you that?) I hope this helps you put things into perspective. And dont allow the negative thoughts to make you feel incapable. Believe in yourself and what you *are* capable of... so far I have seen great things on your blog, you should be proud!

At Wednesday, May 24, 2006 11:33:00 AM, Blogger anonym00kie said...

thank you sj and thank you frumgirl.
sometimes, i really get overwhelmed, almost paralyzed, from the overload of information and sensory stimulation. i just want the time to assimilate what i learn, and then to move on the next thing, but there never seems to be enough time, so i jump around -nonstop.
frumgirl i have no doubts that this assult of information on young minds is toxic. maybe at some later time society will get a grip on it and find a way to make it more beneficial, but at this point its way too overwhelming and chaotic.
sj, thanks for the dot on the canvas analogy.
perspective is my friend!

At Wednesday, May 24, 2006 1:27:00 PM, Blogger A Frum Idealist said...

great post.
At first, I was finding it so hard to read, but in a way, that's the point.
Very well depicted.
Having put this together you can't possibly be as "incapable" as your post implies. The thirst for knowledge is crucial. Any day in which you don't learn something, is a dead and lost day.
Keep it up. Keep going strong.

At Wednesday, May 24, 2006 1:37:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You convey information REALLY well,
except you go out of your way to ask for help.
Ask for Help directly.
Your talent and sincerity will create an opportunity for you.

At Wednesday, May 24, 2006 3:40:00 PM, Blogger Lakewood Venter said...

I love how you formatted the text in this post! I truly felt overwhelmed, nad dizzy by it, and got exactly what you were trying to convey!

Hang in there my friend, take a deep breath, and slow down just a tad!

Nobody can know everything or understand it all. Nobody.

Appreciate what you do know, and never stop searching for more!

Be well.

At Thursday, May 25, 2006 4:48:00 PM, Blogger kasamba said...

Oh no!
If you feel overwhelmed then what should everyone else say?

I actually think your post should go in the museum of modern art- its gorgeous!

At Thursday, May 25, 2006 5:51:00 PM, Blogger Mata Hari said...

Everyone feels that way. Try to ignore the critical voice. That's what holds people back - the fear that they're mediocre. I've noticed that many times it's not the most talented people who get things done - it's just the ones who are proactive and have enough confidence in themselves to move forward.

At Thursday, May 25, 2006 8:20:00 PM, Blogger anonym00kie said...

frum idealist, thanks, im flattered you think im more capable than im able to see i am.

anonymous, im not really sure what you mean, did the post sound like a cry for help? i think it was more of a cathartic release. all the help i need is in me.. i think..
thanks for your praise though!

Lv, yup, thats my goal.. i just need to work harder at taking a deep breath, and relax with the wanting to know it all!

kasamba, huh? why should i be less overwhelmed than anyone else? :) i assume everyone should be as overwhelmed as i am..unless they know how to step back and take a deep breath (which im not so good at!)
(thanks for the museum comment :D)

mata hari, i know the voice doesnt come from a good place, and i really do fight it.. all the time.. but sometimes .. it gets the better of me!
thanks for the reminder!

Here's a quote I just found (and then i wonder why i get so overwhelmed) :
Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales: "Imagine a world in which every single person on the planet is given free access to the sum of all human knowledge. that's what we're doing."

At Thursday, May 25, 2006 10:25:00 PM, Blogger David_on_the_Lake said...

First of all..your word art is a so mirrors your emotions..I loved it..

second..It's difficult for relate..Because the emotions are polar opposite of yours. I feel the for the negativity..I skip those posts/blogs.

At Thursday, May 25, 2006 10:37:00 PM, Blogger anonym00kie said...

david, you dont ever get overwhelmed by how much information is out there and how there's no way you'll ever get around to it?
usually im also drawn to it and curious and 'thrilled, enthralled, inspired' by it.. but sometimes it just gets to me. its too much for one brain.. its like s.j. said - no matter what you know, what you can do, what you think.. someone out there can do it better and bigger..

truth is my overwhelmed/frantic/chaotic mood is passing, so i should post up something new soon :)

At Friday, May 26, 2006 4:53:00 AM, Blogger jim said...

I was just last week in the Museum of the Most Modern Art in Dallas, Tx, and, your Post beats their whole show (for real).

I too, get overwhelmed, overloaded by the webs, it makes me feel too small, like I cant possible 'do it'(whatever it is). At certain moments I have to deny it that voice and dive deep into the Hebrew Text (Torah), and then I know I can.

Nice to meet you people, good to be on earth with you. Shalom.

At Friday, May 26, 2006 8:54:00 AM, Blogger Cellar Door said...

Fisrt of all, there are alot of different viewpoints on the internet. Blogging is dangerous because mostly its not backed up by evidence, its just the rantings of a perturbed person. Its important not to allow your mind to be swayed. Know where you stand, and then use the blogs as a way to understand other viewpoints out there.

2) There is alot of creativity online, but the real test is how you act to real life situations. The best people that acheive the most are usually peopl that know how to handle life. Iys called street smart. It is much harder to "make it" in the world by writing poetry.

3) Just enjoy it. It allows you to unwind.

At Friday, May 26, 2006 9:46:00 AM, Anonymous Joe in NY said...

Oooooh, the colors, the colors!

I like this post because it is colorful.

At Sunday, May 28, 2006 12:37:00 AM, Blogger socialworker/frustrated mom said...

Ouch my eyes, yeah and nice colors. See I am not the only one complaining about all the talented bloggers out there. You are one of them.

At Sunday, May 28, 2006 11:00:00 PM, Blogger Lady-Light said...

you know, I was so smug when I finally started blogging. Didn't think that anyone had anything to say comparable to what I had to say! And then, I began scrolling through the Jewish blogosphere. Boy, was I humbled!

At Monday, May 29, 2006 2:15:00 PM, Blogger the only way i know said...

I'll call you Mookie too if I may -
I really want to say - that your thoughts about there being such an incredibly big world out there - mirrors my own - it can be overwhelming - sometimes i feel the way you do - too small to have an effect - and sometimes like David said - simply inspired
i really loved all the comments to your post - each one had depth -
and i think S.J's spoke to me the most -
that without all the dots...
and also the reminder on who the world's leading authority on Mookie's life...
I'll try to remember that for my own..


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